Voldemort On the HalfBlood Prince
by Jang Saverem
Summary: Voldmeort read the story and he is angry. Listen to him rant and rave. And the infamouse Rapping Potter.


Voldemort and the Half Blood Prince

The great and awesome Lord Voldemort was sitting in a gloomy dark and damp room when he decided to pick up the latest Harry Potter book entitled: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. He opened it and started to read. He read for seven hours when he finally finished and dropped the book.

"Ah so this is the newest on the shelves…..WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN WAS THAT CROCK! Wormtail…..Wormtail….WORMTAIL!"

At that instant the door burst open and Wormtail was standing in the doorway panting, wearing nothing but his underpants.

"What is my Dark Lord?"

Voldemort turns to see Wormtail in all his glory.

"Uh….Wormtail….why the fuck are you dressed like that? Where are your clothes?"

"Well you see you most Evil, I was uh…playing a game with Nagiani. She was winning." 

"Wormtail…what was it, dare? I ask that you were playing?"

With a quick answer filled with pride Wormtail yelled out, "Strip Poker my liege."

"Riiiiiigggghhhhttt….You do realize first off she can't talk nor did she have any clothes to wager in the first place. Right?"

"But….Oh man how could I fall for that….again? Anyway, my Lord why did you yell for me?"

"Well it's this book here. It's the new installment of that feeble Muggle's attempts at writing. I mean look at this. Even the name: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. There, right in the damnable title is the two things I despise the most, Potter and a Mudblood. And of all people Snape is the Halfy. Is ANYONE I have on my side a pureblood?"

"But sir you yourself are not a Pur…."

"Crucio."

With a painful jerk Wormtail drops to the ground and cries in agony.

"You were saying?"

"Nothing, nothing…."

"Good. Now then I have half a mind to call that Muggle fool and tell her straight up that his book is a load."

"Well actually I thought it was quite good myself."

"Would you like another?"

"No, no, my Lord. I was merely saying that I believed it was well written."

"Well it just doesn't matter since your opinion doesn't count. Anyway I'm calli…" 

Right at that moment a female carrying a tray of Rice Krispy treats opened the door.  
"Honey? Is that you down here? I've brought snaky cakes."

Wormtail looked embarrassed but spoke out anyway, "But MOOOOOM I have friends over I said not to bother me when I have friends over."

"Oh but dear you really must leave you room sometimes. It's starting to smell like death in here."

"Oh for goodness sake that's quite enough. Please, Wormtail tell your mother to leave before I have to make her leave."

"Yes sir. Mommy, can you go back to cooking us Mac-N-Cheese? We need to have boy-talk and you're a woman." 

"Well I suppose I'll just leave these here for you. Toodlelu."

"Oh thank you Merlin. Now back to my complaining about this darn book. I mean it was bad enough to have a half be in the title but what was worse was that I didn't say one bloody word in the whole thing."

"Well you were in the Pensive quite a lot."

"That doesn't count. And while we're on the subject those memories were also as Bogus as the whole story. That's it gimme your cell so I can call up that prat Rowling."

"Oh of course here you go."

Wormtail pulled out his cell phone and handed it to Voldemort. With his skinny white fingers he pushed in the number. It rang and soon a voice picked up with a…

"Hello?"

"Rowling I need to..."

"Tommy boy. Is that you?

"Voldemort, please. Anyway I called to talk about this book here. I didn't say ANYTHING the whole time. And wel…"

"Tom, I mean, Voldemort you were in the…"

"Yes, yes, I know the Pensive. But that just doesn't count and further more why does Potter have to be in the titles? Why can't it be 'Voldemort and the Death of Dumbledore'? I mean that sounds way better than making Snape a Halfy and…."

"Voldy did you really just say 'Halfy'? I mean really isn't that childish."

"Shutup, I wasn't done. Anyway why couldn't more people die? It would hav…"

"Sorry hold on, Harry is on the other line." 

As she said that Harry's voice shouted out, "Voldemort, is that you dawg? Whats god whats good in the neighbahood? "

"Potter….why must you talk like those Muggle Rappers? You do realize they are beyond sanity and their music quite franky sucks."

"Yo dawg don't be all up and hatin. Hey Rowling I was callin you ta thanks for making my snog all those hot babes I.E. Ginny. That was hawt mang. Let's get some more O that in the next one 'ight?" 

"Harry please. Both of you let me sleep. I need to get up early for yoga."

"Ight Ight. Lata misses R. Peace out Voldy my mang." Click

"Muggle I'm not done talkin' to you don't you dare hang up on me…"

"Good NIGHT, Voldemort." Click…

"BITCH."

He then tried to crush the phone in his hand though there was a crack it came from him rather than the phone.

"Wormtail. Break this phone for me." 

"But my Lord. I just got that and I still have paym…" 

"Do as I tell you. Geez, where do you people get your manners from?"

Wormtail breaks the phone in his own hands and looks sadly at the broken pieces in his hands.

"Sniff. Anyway are you done with your ranting My Dark-ness?"

"Yes, yes, yes. This isn't my 'world' anyway this being your house and all."

"But Lord you are my world."

"Awkward……"


End file.
